Comedic Clergy Follower Gifts

'Miss Allen, have we scheduled a blessing of the animals?'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

Excommunicate Me.

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

"Is that your resting witch or resting bitch face. . .?"

"Uh-oh! Here comes trouble!"

'I've got an epistle to the Corinthians, ten shekels postage due.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"Do I look like the sort who knows anything about lawns?"

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

catholic

Jesus saves.

Christian Book Centre.

'That's my slogan, you lousy thieveing creep!'

"Usually we wouldn't let you in the sanctuary dressed in robe and sandals, but seeing as you are Jesus we will make an exception..."

'This is where the seasoned candidate strategically pauses for effect.'

Evangelist and dog trainer extraordinaire, Ernie Gumbromowitz.

"You need to put in 10,000 hours."

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

Giant ape eating human as advised by diet book

"There's a man at the door collecting for Jesus...."

"Aw... go on! An apple a day keeps the doctor away y'know..!"

'Whose hair is that on your shoulder?'.

"Neither Confucius nor Lao-Tse nor Buddha can help you. You either have a knack for chopsticks, or you don't ."

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."