Comedic Chemists Gifts

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Interdisciplinary studies.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"Well, we got the grant."

Working On Silly String Theory.

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Monkey Business College

"Maybe we should have tried it on the rats first."

Make your own bottled water.

Pasteur and those who came before him and failed.

Why is it the universe keeps expanding but there's never any room in my closet?

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"5 second rule!"

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Poisoning

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

"Wouldn't it be easier to get one of those pregnancy testing kits from the chemiost, Julie?"

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

I'm a logofile, Lance. That means I'm a lover of words. What's the word for a lover of logs? "#@%=$!"

Spider Facts.

We live in a cancel culture? Somebody needs to tell this magazine's subscription department.

'We moved here so we could have a wide screen.'

He did not always fit in well with the group think of the other scientists.

'That's a puffer. If you want to blow a house down, you'll also need a huffer.'

"What do you recommend for greenhouse gas?"