Comedic Characters Gifts

"We're doing our bit to keep crime off the streets Officer. We've been staying in Tuesday and Thursdays."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

Double Saxophone

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

Footballer playing for time

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Jumble Sale

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

Rollercoaster police chase.

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

'One thing you can say about Joe, he knows when to stop!'

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

Man fights with his shadow.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

Using balloons to weigh less.

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

Choir wearing masks.