Comedic Friends Gifts

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Diving Cat.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

"I keep telling you, Hyde won't be joining us!"

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'