Comedic Cat Critic Gifts

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

Biofelineism

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Cat Zoom Meeting

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

Pop up begger.

Santa Claws...

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Cat Video Cinema.

Sick Exhibitionist

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Allow Me"

"And how long have you had this superiority complex?"

"I want you to be open and honest and to not leave any hair on the couch."

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Safety Pin

End of the Pier Show

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"This is not the sleeping beauty I paid good money to see!"

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

Robot Bores