Comedian In Divine Matters Gifts

"There's no point in trying to butter me up, sir. It's all done by computer."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Clown God

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Water is discovered on the moon....

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

Halo Frisbee.

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"