Comedian In Disguise Gifts

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Sleep clinic night watchman.

Roy felt it was important to act out any side effects that a prescription might cause.

'Damn hippie.'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

Joe's Weight Gain: '...I don't need to drink beer to enjoy the company and witty banter with my big brother.'

No Soliciting

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Trump pardons

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Your French dip, sir.'