Comedian For Reptiles Gifts

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

The Rooster Comedian.

"Happy Gnu Year!"

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Eat me"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Penguin

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

Alligator Bars

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

"I can't wait to see the look on their faces."

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"Can I barrow your pen?"

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"