Reptile Humorist Gifts

Alligator Bars

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Too much concealer?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Scuba cow"

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

Dogs life

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."