Rodent Humorist Gifts

Acme Pest Control

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

Cats at private view

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Dogs life

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Out, damned Spot.'