Combover Connoisseur T-Shirts

Beachcomber wears his hair in a combover fashion.

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

Moliere

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

The Very Best of JOHN DOE

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

Sergei Rachmaninov

"Sorry we're taking so long, but it's the first time he's ever seen a menu that didn't offer a happy meal."

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"We were unable to release his grip on the smart phone."

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

Comb over club.

Hair loss comb.