Communion Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Reading my Critics

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

Men gossiping

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

'Would the person who's inhaling the very life out of this meeting please stop it right now?'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Barbed Pen

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Conclave.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'