Communion Connoisseur Gifts

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Reading my Critics

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

Men gossiping

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'Enter, 'The Globoracy'.'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

'Would the person who's inhaling the very life out of this meeting please stop it right now?'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Barbed Pen

Conclave.

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'