Conclave Connoisseur Gifts

Conclave.

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Wifi in Hell

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Hats and Food

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

Yummy Mummies

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"I can't wait for things to get back to normal."

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

'It is so nice to be able to take a break mid trip...'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

What's the insect de jour?

'Would the person who's inhaling the very life out of this meeting please stop it right now?'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

Doughnut Criminals

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

'Monsieur, in this café you've got to dance your order.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'What if this time, more heads has made us more stupid?'

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club