College Search Gifts

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'