College Savior Gifts

"Son, due to the economy, I have to ask you to contribute more to your college fund."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

S.O.S. vaccine

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

"My parents didn't write it--they just tweaked it."

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

You wait until the polar icecaps melt my friend then we will see who is laughing!

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

Publish and Be Damned

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

Vaccine

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

Superhero Rescues Books.

'Oh he's my loans officer.'

How to save the Planet...

'You waved a white flag?2

My job is mostly seasonal. The busiest times are cold season, flu season, and allergy season.

"There's some question as to how long we're going to be able to keep the lights on."

Coathooks.

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'

"As an additional torment, our fire and brimstone are fuelled by coal."

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

"You want to borrow 1.2 million dollars to meet your school district's budget?"

Prisoner of pollution.

"I'm desperate to hold on to our good teachers."

Is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest up!'

Biden tapes together the Paris Climate Agreement.

'Private schools are really expensive these days - Why don't you home-school him?'

"Now that my last kid graduated I'm hoping to change my status from nonprofit."

'Rough day Principal Harris?'