College Prep Pro Gifts

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Hungry child

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

Contest to enter the University

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'And finally, if you're going to commit a felony, do it before ol' dad incurs the high cost of tuition.'

Gretchen encounters the mother of all SAT questions.

'There was an old lady who had so many children she didn't know what to do, especially about college tuition.'

Llama training

'You're smart enough for the job, but your phone isn't.'

Final Exams Today

"Do you think about life after high school? Like...what are you taking when you go to college?"

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"Today we're filling out mock college applications."

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

Don't bug me about college! I'm doing all I can: good grades. Playing sports. Helped found Eco Club. What more can I possibly do? Acquire rich parents. Fast. College guide.

We know being raised by wolves isn't ideal, but think of the amazing essay you'll have on your college application!