College Planning Humor Gifts

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"I might just get a pie."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'And finally, if you're going to commit a felony, do it before ol' dad incurs the high cost of tuition.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"What what of all the dates I couldn't save, Jimmy."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

The Pi Advantage

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

In it for the long haul.

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

'Lorna?! Jack?! So how long has THIS been going on?'

"... Till death us do part."

Visiting Professor Swinely - Pig Latin.

"Are you nuts? If we say we've found the sun is a White Hole we'll lose our funding!"

'Got anything smaller?'