College Planning Humor Gifts

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"I might just get a pie."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

'And finally, if you're going to commit a felony, do it before ol' dad incurs the high cost of tuition.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

The Pi Advantage

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"What what of all the dates I couldn't save, Jimmy."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

In it for the long haul.

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

'Got anything smaller?'

'I think we've found your problem. It's a Yale lock, but you have a Harvard key.'

Visiting Professor Swinely - Pig Latin.

'Lorna?! Jack?! So how long has THIS been going on?'

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 guests?'