College Journey Humor Gifts

I tried to take eighteen credits.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Student unicorn"

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."

'Nobody likes a bartender who went to college.'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

The Pi Advantage

"I am dyslexic, parked in a faculty space and wore my roommate's t-shirt."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

"I don't care whay they do at college, you'll scrub them off at once"

"There is, however, nothing in the dean's regulations to preclude a semester of profoundly suggestive and, ultimately, frustrating consensual eye contact."

She'll probably get in through clearing.

"Are you nuts? If we say we've found the sun is a White Hole we'll lose our funding!"

Visiting Professor Swinely - Pig Latin.