College Jokesters Pillows

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Hard or soft science?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

Undergraduate and don

How about you? Have you picked a major?

Big man on Krampus

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

Talk the talk...

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

Homework eating dogs

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Rather than plagiarism. . . I'd like to think of myself as a co-author!"

"You said you wanted me to show you a better school report..."