Student Jokester Pillows

"I didn't make the Dean's list, but I made the Principal's list."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'Hard or soft science?'

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Big man on Krampus

'What's our exit strategy?'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

"This year, I'm starting school with a positive attitude! You have my word...I'm waiting till the second week of school to call it the worst year of my life."

Undergraduate and don

'You got everyfink Bruv? Stink bombs, pea shooter, dead frogs . . .'

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'