Student Jokester Pillows

"I didn't make the Dean's list, but I made the Principal's list."

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'Hard or soft science?'

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

"This year, I'm starting school with a positive attitude! You have my word...I'm waiting till the second week of school to call it the worst year of my life."

'What's our exit strategy?'

Undergraduate and don

'You got everyfink Bruv? Stink bombs, pea shooter, dead frogs . . .'

How about you? Have you picked a major?

Big man on Krampus

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."