College Jokester Pillows

Biff majored in business, but minored in mooning...

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Hard or soft science?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'What's our exit strategy?'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Big man on Krampus

Undergraduate and don

Graduation Day At A Party School

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."