The Scholastic Jokester Pillows

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Hard or soft science?'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Broad Minded

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Big man on Krampus

Undergraduate and don

How about you? Have you picked a major?

'What's our exit strategy?'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

Dentists who do appendectomies.

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Homework eating dogs