Scholarly Jokesters Pillows

Calculator Jokes

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Hard or soft science?'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Undergraduate and don

Broad Minded

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

How do bright women get pregnant?

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

Homework eating dogs

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

A Please Wipe Your Feet mat with words mixed up at the Dyslexic clinic.

"Rather than plagiarism. . . I'd like to think of myself as a co-author!"

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

"You said you wanted me to show you a better school report..."

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

"There is no complaint department, Robert."