Scholarly Jokesters Mugs

Calculator Jokes

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Hard or soft science?'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Undergraduate and don

How about you? Have you picked a major?

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! I hear you told people in England you're royalty. Yeah, at first they didn't realize that I was only Joe King. I was an error to the throne who rained for forty days and forty knights. It's disappointing though that I never got to see a pig riding contest at Bucking Ham palace. And I never met Sherlock Holmes. He's the guy who followed the foot prince!

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Broad Minded

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

How do bright women get pregnant?

Homework eating dogs

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'When I asked for funding of my rooster egg laying research, I was told the chick is in the male.'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Rather than plagiarism. . . I'd like to think of myself as a co-author!"

A Please Wipe Your Feet mat with words mixed up at the Dyslexic clinic.

"You said you wanted me to show you a better school report..."

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."