The Scholastic Jokester Gifts

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Hard or soft science?'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

Broad Minded

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'What's our exit strategy?'

Undergraduate and don

Big man on Krampus

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

Homework eating dogs

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'