Academic Jokester Gifts

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

"If you give me a good grade in summer school I'll give you a good grade on rating my school teachers."

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'Hard or soft science?'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

Undergraduate and don

"You said you wanted me to show you a better school report..."

"Is it true you wear a mortar board because you're thick as a brick?"

"I no longer eat homework. I graduated to term papers."

"Rather than plagiarism. . . I'd like to think of myself as a co-author!"

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Aerodynamics Lecture room.

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'And in conclusion.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'