Intellectual Jokester Gifts

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'When television insults Walter's intelligence, he insults it right back.'

Broad Minded

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'Hard or soft science?'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Undergraduate and don