Intellectual Jokesters Gifts

'Or should I get a different tattoo?'

How do bright women get pregnant?

Immensa

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Hard or soft science?'

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Albert Einstein Tells A Joke. . .

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Undergraduate and don

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

How about you? Have you picked a major?

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

Broad Minded

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! I hear you told people in England you're royalty. Yeah, at first they didn't realize that I was only Joe King. I was an error to the throne who rained for forty days and forty knights. It's disappointing though that I never got to see a pig riding contest at Bucking Ham palace. And I never met Sherlock Holmes. He's the guy who followed the foot prince!

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'When I asked for funding of my rooster egg laying research, I was told the chick is in the male.'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

"Rather than plagiarism. . . I'd like to think of myself as a co-author!"

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."