Philosophy Jokesters Gifts

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

Broad Minded

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'I know you're tired of hearing the same old political cliches, but I believe in recycling.'

Robot porn.