Intellectual Jokers Gifts

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Don't forget the nucleus has mass."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"You're on mute."

Artist Painting his Television.

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

Broad Minded

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

Relativity explained; the woman on the train will always appear more attractive than the woman on the platform.

How do bright women get pregnant?

'When I asked for funding of my rooster egg laying research, I was told the chick is in the male.'

"There's a fly in my soup."

'I don't think the posts online are for scratching.'

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

Calculator Jokes

"The door stop is complete! Our next step is to invent the door!"

After many long and costly legal battles Bergman and Reynolds decide to settle their patent dispute once and for all.

"Our panel of experts include. . .and Dan, who has listened to two different podcasts on this topic."

The Broken Clock That Is Wrong Twice A Day

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

I.D. required for admission to Heaven

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein and Ernest Rutherford talking shop.