College Jokesters T-Shirts

"OK, I'll go to my room, but one day I'll get back at you by going to college and putting you into deep financial debt."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'Hard or soft science?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Big man on Krampus

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Undergraduate and don

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Talk the talk...

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

Homework eating dogs

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'

"You said you wanted me to show you a better school report..."

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"It's amazing how much Junior has changed after only a few weeks away at college..."