University Jokester T-Shirts

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

"Can you believe it? I'm just 4 credits short of a 'Useless Major While Accruing Massive Student Loan Debt' degree."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

'Hard or soft science?'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

College of Liberal (not in the political snese) arts.

"It's the formula for a black hole."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

How about you? Have you picked a major?

Big man on Krampus

'What's our exit strategy?'

Breakfast at Universities

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

Undergraduate and don

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"