Scholarly Jokester T-Shirts

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'Hard or soft science?'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"It's the formula for a black hole."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

International Conference on Genetically Modified Crop Development.