College Grad Chuckler Gifts

"And to think I used to worry about her showing up on our doorstep with a little bundle of joy..."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Don't you hate...

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

"Don’t you just love professor Dahl’s lectures on Tibetan rawhide?"

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

Undergraduate and don