Academic Achiever Chuckler Gifts

'You realize, of course, there are no easy answers.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"No, Bobby, I won't put you on my do not call list."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"So the year '2020' can also be written. . ."

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"I keep forgetting. When do I cluck and when do I double-cluck?"

'They've been hitting the blocking sled three times as hard since I put up that bust of that nut-job business teacher, Mrs. Sisk.'

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

I brought two #1 pencils.

'Time's up, chuckles.'

I tried to take eighteen credits.

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

"She came in for her son's report card, but I gave her an A-honor roll student's report card by accident."

Man buying 'Caviar Wiz'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"And to think I used to worry about her showing up on our doorstep with a little bundle of joy..."

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"Ugh - I always get so ervous when my work goes through pee'er review."

"Good news! I'm upgrading your condition from medical journal article to letter to the editor."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

'I call my car 'Bonnie Tyler'. . . Nah - it keeps making funny rasping noises and is getting on a bit.'