Academic Achiever Chuckler Pillows

'You realize, of course, there are no easy answers.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"No, Bobby, I won't put you on my do not call list."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"So the year '2020' can also be written. . ."

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"I keep forgetting. When do I cluck and when do I double-cluck?"

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

I brought two #1 pencils.

'Time's up, chuckles.'

I tried to take eighteen credits.

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

"She came in for her son's report card, but I gave her an A-honor roll student's report card by accident."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"And to think I used to worry about her showing up on our doorstep with a little bundle of joy..."

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"Ugh - I always get so ervous when my work goes through pee'er review."

"Good news! I'm upgrading your condition from medical journal article to letter to the editor."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'I call my car 'Bonnie Tyler'. . . Nah - it keeps making funny rasping noises and is getting on a bit.'