College Freshman Experience Gifts

'You are supposed to be here.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"My homework ate my dog."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Kardiff.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Too big to fail

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'