College Freshman Experience Gifts

'You are supposed to be here.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"My homework ate my dog."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Kardiff.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

Too big to fail

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'