Freshman Year Gifts

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

Examinations.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

A school of fish.

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Welcome back students.

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"Next, I will make the excitement and enthusiasm of the start of the school year disappear."

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

Undergraduate and don

Citations Needed!

Obedience School: When Dogs Earn Their Master's Degree.

Roads Scholar

'You can't take the Ethics course-you're a Political Science major.'

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

"Thank heaven for cliff notes!"

'Dr Seuss is awarded a PHD.'

'You are supposed to be here.'

Bad news - The children would like the inflatable moat blown up

Binge Drinking On Campus.

Freshers' week societies - 'Debt', 'Poverty' and 'No Money'.