College Newbie Gifts

"I can't believe I'm in college. I never even found Waldo yet."

'It's so weird at college, mom. The kids there are so different.'

Big Bang Theory.

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

"My homework ate my dog."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Good Luck in your Exams.

Santa does a keg stand.

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'WOW! This ladies' nav app is fantastic!'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."