University Newcomers Gifts

Freshman Ryan Brenneman was having a tough time acclimating to life away from home.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Botany Baby!

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'Hm-m-m - it sleeps most of the time. I think it must be some kind of cat.'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Baby Screen Time

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

Batman's Baby

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

Apricots

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

Bedtime story.

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Which one's yours?"

Out of patience

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Newborn Chaos

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

Chilly baby.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."