College Enrollment Gifts

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Stoics vs. Epicureans.

Why College Costs So Much 101.

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'Retire? What if I want to go to college if I, you know, finish high school?'

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

Frat House Feng Shui

"I attempted Greek Math and stuck out like a Thor sum."

"Ain't it great to be back on campus again?"

"Enrol now, meditation course."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'Let's enrol on the last one. We've more chance of getting a job doing that these days.'

'...and, if I don't get a place, I'll kill myself.'

'I lost my name tag at my self-discovery class!'

College class: the Clinton years must be 18 to enroll.

You Can't Have a Drink at Age 17 But a Bank Will Lend You $57,000 in Student Loans You'll Never Be Able to Escape

Student Loan Interest Rates.

"Mom, my student loans are so high, I was wondering if I could start doing chores again for an allowance."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Please School Remotely.

Chère Maman

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Continuing education.

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"One year closer to college!"

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"My homework ate my dog."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.