University Enrollment Gifts

"Financially, you're in the top third but you're in the bottom third of that third. You are, however, in the top third of that bottom third?"

Pesky Students.

'Well, Gosh...! How did you know I was an incoming freshman...?'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Proctor addressing a university student

'Higher learning gets higher each year.'

"Our lecturers are going to be so pleased that we're using reverse vending to recycle on campus!"

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"My homework ate my dog."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

His Master's Thesis.

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"I'm still pre-literate."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Pesky students.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

As a matter of fact, it IS rocket science.

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."