College Crammer Gifts

University Computer Rooms.

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"I'm thinking that now is a good time to start those tutoring sessions."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Exams

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Livin' the dream

"Student unicorn"

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

"There was a time when only the rich went to university... now even they can't afford it."

"That's the famous Josh—a high-impact body harboring a very low-impact mind."

"This is a weird frat."

The Pi Advantage

The seniors are crazed about college. Admissions. I plan to be totally chill. 1000 colleges. You're not worried about the pre-SATs this Saturday? Of course not. West Fester High. I forgot all about them!!!

Bumper Sticker Show Off.

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

"I have a big test today. It counts for 50 percent of my entire grade! Or maybe it's 40 percent."

'That's required reading' - University Tuition.

'We're having a test on the pilgrims tomorrow, Sir, and I could use the help of providence.'