Collections Officer Gifts

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

Delinquent Accounts - Day Late, Dollar Short.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Servicemen.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Pinpoint havoc, gentlemen, accuracy of mayhem. And yet our dress blues remain crisp and sharp, our hands soft and pink."

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

A Rifle Competition in the North

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'All right! Who's got my bloody stress ball?'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Pencil sharpeners in hell

Girl holding money.

"I wonder what this was for."

Count Von Moltke.

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."