Colic Conqueror Gifts

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

"Ahh...He's got wind"

'My feet are killing me.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

Keeping warm.

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

The trim reaper

A guide to seasons in the North East

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

"Must get a longer cable."

'Are you kidding, Billy? We climbed all the way up Everest and you forgot the freaking sleds?!'

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"He said his screen is frozen again."

Crop duster wanted.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"Jones is our go-to-thankless-job-guy!"

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'No good deed goes unpunished around here.'

"How was your day?"

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Access Denied!

Arctic Weather vs Utility Bills

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

Bear Office Worker

"How many cubicles do you think this will penetrate?"

"You've been so productive lately, I've decided to lay the entire staff off so you can do their work as well."

'Quick, shut the door! The flu!'

'I heard the boss is a control freak. He's very controlling and the employees freak out!'

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

'Ugh. Every single day.'

"I found a cure for the humongous cold, the extreme cold and the mother of all colds. Why not the common cold?"

"They can't cure the common cold, but why would they want to?"

"I'll be a little late getting home. My all-employee announcement didn't go over too well."

'Bless You.'

Attila is No. 1! We heart Attila! Hooray for Attila! Attila is the man! Yell your king my warriors and I want his castle! Who shall I say is calling?