Coffee Conqueror Gifts

"Ever since I gave up coffee I feel a lot less jittery."

'You're being promoted to vice prez of personal energy management! You'll be the guy who goes out for coffee and donuts!'

'It's all decaffeinated!'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

A woman wearing a skin sitting behind a desk with a nameplate that reads "Sheena, Queen of the corporate jungle."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

Why am I running?

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'Of course, the toll on my personal life has been enormous.'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"I believe he was the victim of a hostile takeover."

Am Awful Crammer.

Well, what did you expect on the mother ship?

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

"The night raid on the kitchen bench was a disaster sir! The owner woke up, came downstairs for a glass of water and attacked us!"

"You know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men is gay."

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'I've had a lot of experience at this. My Mom keeps the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator.'

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

A woman's work is never done!

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

A day in the life of a dish sink

National corporate ladder of success monument.

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

"No, Dad. All this belongs to me right now. I acquired it in a hostile takeover."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'He works in Acquisitions.'