Coastal Golfer Gifts

'Two hundred and nineteen.'

Golf lessons

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

A man plays golf by the sea

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

'I wonder why my master never makes it into the Master's Tournament?'

'Don't move.'

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

Man in artic weather playing sport with snow balls

"After the truffle season peaks, we like to kick back and do a little clamming."

"Apparently, the golf clothes and expensive golf clubs didn't help you play better."

Replacement Lighthouse

Elderly beachcomber sees conch shell, unaware there is a hook attached.

"Duh!"

"Your kind of course, dad."

"Leave some shells for less fortunate children."

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dog fetching golf ball

'Which club do I use for a hole in one?'

"He,he!. . . Some guy on the ninth hole is going crazy looking for this!"

Ocean sounds $1.00

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

'Where's your other glove?'

"On the web it clearly said, 'one mile from the beach'."

"A preliminary census report indicates that for the first time in our nation's history female anthropologists out-number male professional golfers."

The tide was out.