Club Breaker Gifts

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Walk or don't. You're a grown man. Make your own decisions.

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"Worst breach of corporate dress code I've ever witnessed."

Dancing at the Clubs.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

'Read that last part back to me.'

'Rules are there to be broken, my friend.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'I hate having to go outside for a cigarette!'

"Do kids eat free?"

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

'Oi mate! No hoods in the shopping mall.'

Dance.

Pole Vault Rules

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"