Client Relations Manager Gifts

'Company policy is to treat all our clients badly.'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'He's a major client.'

'You've got to give Colin credit, he always takes customer care that little bit further.'

'I don't think he's finished his 'customer care' training.'

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"I thought for client feedback there was a form you meant to fill in?"

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Great Therapy!'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Direct Marketing...

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

Mergers or acquisitions.

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

What a Guy! The Tops! - "He likes to make his clients feel important."

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'